White Chrysanthemums
by Street Trash Poet
Summary: You will never heal if you continue to seek comfort in solitude. Loneliness is your greatest enemy." When Roxas moves into a home for mental patients, he finds it's not what he ever expected. PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN ON MY OLD ACCOUNT. I'm baaack! Chapter 8 up.
1. Chapter 1

"You will never heal if you continue to seek comfort in solitude. Loneliness is your greatest enemy."

It was cool and dark and the long, wispy curtains at the open window rippled in the breeze. Footsteps crossed the floor behind him, the old wooden boards creaking, followed by the sound of the door softly swinging shut.

_You will never heal if you continue to seek comfort in solitude…_

A small, pink petal from the blossoming cherry trees outside landed on the windowsill. He reached out a hand to touch it, but the petal skidded away from his grasp, borne away again on the wind.

…_Loneliness is your greatest enemy._

Roxas stepped down from the tram and looked around. He had gotten off at the tram stop in the center of Twilight Town, clutching a suitcase at his side and looking absolutely miserable and lost. He pulled a piece of paper from his back pocket and unfolded it as a bell made a _ding-ding _sound behind him and the tram trundled off again.

He gazed down at the crinkled paper. It was a map of Twilight Town. There was a thin line that Roxas had highlighted, beginning at the tram stop where he was currently standing, and ended a few blocks to the west. He looked up again, trying to match his actual location with that on the map.

He was in the middle of a small square, surrounded by brick buildings. The late afternoon sun fell against the shops and houses to his left, meaning that west was to his right. After taking a last glance at the map, Roxas crumpled the paper, shoved it back in his pocket, and began walking toward the setting sun.

The sun gently warmed his face as he walked, but did nothing to console his unmistakable anxiety. He was grasping the handle of his suitcase as if he was expecting it would be stolen at any second and kept looking behind him every now and then. There weren't many other people around, but Roxas averted his gaze from those that were. He watched his feet as he walked, only glancing up to check that he wasn't about to run into anything.

He was frightened of the place he was going to. But he was even more frightened of what he was leaving behind. He knew in his heart that there was something wrong with him. He wasn't like other people. He was scared of everything that was outside his front door. And yet he was also terrified of being alone. He desperately wanted to see a doctor, but he was unemployed and it was a struggle just to afford something to eat. There was no away he could afford to see a doctor. So he had done the only thing he knew to do.

Twilight Sanctuary was a safe house for people with mental disorders. Roxas had read about the place in the newspaper over a year ago, when it had first been established. It had been founded by a young psychiatrist and a few of his friends, and was a type of shelter that took in and cared for people who suffered from mental conditions and had nowhere else to go. Roxas had wondered how big the hearts of the people who ran the shelter had to be, but hadn't thought much more about it.

Over the past several weeks, however, what he had read in the newspaper came floating back to him, and he realized that his constant anxiety had come to disrupt his life. He had lost his job, he could no longer pay his rent, and with a feeling of deepest shame, he packed his suitcase with whatever pitiful possessions he owned, turned his house keys in to the landlord, and got on the tram, bound for Twilight Sanctuary. He wasn't sure what was causing his anxiety, but he knew that the psychiatrist would help him find out.

Roxas suddenly broke out of his thoughts when he stepped into darkness. He looked up to find himself standing in the shadow of a huge, beautiful house on a street corner. Unlike the other buildings in Twilight Town, this one had a small front yard. A couple of willow trees stood on either side of a short brick walk that connected the street to a little staircase that led up to a wide front porch. The high ornate windows were accented with handsome white-washed window frames and old-fashioned oil lamps illuminated the front entrance. An ornate silver plaque near the door read the address:

**Twilight Sanctuary**

**12 Sundown Street**

**Twilight Town**

It was now or never. Roxas stepped carefully onto the brick walk, peering around the little yard as if he half-expected someone to jump out from behind one of the tree and attack him. It seemed so much quieter than on the main roads. The only sound was the leaves of the trees rustling in the breeze.

The door opened suddenly, and Roxas started. A man that looked no older than his late twenties stood on the veranda, his right hand on the doorknob. His dark eyebrows were raised in slight surprise above a pair of perceptive crimson eyes. He had a long mane of long, silky black hair that was tied out of his eyes with a burgundy headband. He was wearing a long coat the same color as the headband, and a small black bag hung from-

The man's left arm was prosthetic and made of a shiny, golden metal. Roxas realized he was staring and quickly looked up into the man's eyes again. Although they were a strange color and slightly frightening, they held a kind smile.

"What can I do for you?" the man asked. His voice was calm and soothing.

Roxas blinked a couple of times. His vocal cords seemed to have temporarily stopped working. The man waited patiently, but, seeing that the boy standing on the steps below him looked terrified and wasn't about to answer, he tried again.

"Have you come to stay with us?" Roxas saw the man's crimson eyes dart to the suitcase in his hand before fixing on his face again. Roxas nodded mutely.

"Come with me," the man replied gently. He opened the door again and stood aside to let Roxas ahead of him. Roxas slowly ascended the steps, averting his gaze. The man's eyes were a bit creepy. He stepped over the threshold to the house and felt the man enter after him, closing the door behind him.

It was cool and seemed much darker after the sunlight outside. As Roxas's eyes adjusted, he saw that they were in a type of foyer. To his immediate left was a tall coat hanger and an umbrella stand. To the right, a little way down the hall, was a staircase with an ornate iron banister. An iron chandelier hung on a long chain from the ceiling.

"Come," the man said softly, gesturing for Roxas to follow him. As they walked down the hall together, the man spoke again.

"What is your name?"

"Roxas," Roxas replied, finally finding his voice again.

"How old are you, Roxas?" the man continued.

"I'm…eighteen."

"I see," the man said softly.

"Who are you?" Roxas blurted, and he immediately reddened at his rudeness.

"My name is Doctor Valentine, or Vincent, if you prefer," the man said. He didn't sound shocked or angry at all. On the contrary, his voice at taken on a thin, almost strained tone, as if he were holding back the urge to laugh. "I am the psychiatrist here at Twilight Sanctuary." They had reached the door at the end of the foyer, and Roxas suddenly grew anxious at the thought of what kind of people lived here.

Roxas had never met anyone with a mental disorder before. He could only imagine what they were like; silent, staring patients shuffling down the hallway in pajamas and worn slippers, depressed people sitting in corners with drool running down their chins, psychos screaming at imaginary voices…Roxas shuddered as he felt his stomach clench with fear.

"No need to be nervous," Vincent said kindly. Roxas jumped and looked at the man in wonder as they exited the foyer.

They were in another hall , but this one was wide and had several doors and open frames leading off to other rooms. A small round table stood on the wall to their right, the lamp on top casting a warm orange glow throughout the hall. There was also a black rotary telephone, its wire hanging off the table in a long, springy coil. It was very quiet. Before Roxas could see anything else, he was being steered into a room to the left.

Vincent had led Roxas into what was clearly an office. The walls were painted the warm color of a peach. Golden sunlight streamed across the polished wood floor from a window hung with yellow curtains on the opposite wall. Two upholstered chairs stood side-by-side in the middle of the room across from a large mahogany desk. A woman with a long braid sat behind the desk, looking at what looked like the contents of a file. She looked even younger than the man with crimson eyes.

"Oh, Vincent, I thought you had already lef-" the woman began, but stopped when she saw Roxas.

"Aeris, this is Roxas," Vincent said in that low, calming voice of his. "He has come to stay with us."

"Hello, Roxas," the woman said, beaming. She stood and hurried around the desk as Vincent led him over to one of the upholstered chairs. "My name is Aeris," she continued, offering her hand to him.

Roxas shook it politely, slightly dazed. This was not at all what he had expected. These people seemed so _friendly_. It was almost hard for him to think that he was in a place for crazy people. Aeris returned to her seat behind the desk and motioned for him to do the same. Vincent set his bag down and leaned against the wall.

"So, Roxas." Aeris said as she opened a drawer in the desk and pulled out a manila folder. "Why have you come to us today?"

"I…think there's something wrong with me…" Roxas said to his knees. "I don't have anywhere else to go, though. I had to turn my apartment keys in to my landlord this morning because I can't pay my rent anymore. I lost my job because I'm always too scared to leave my apartment."

"First thing tomorrow."

"What?" Roxas exclaimed, looking around at Vincent.

"You have an appointment with me first thing tomorrow," the doctor said, gazing shrewdly at Roxas. "From what you have just said, I see that you have made a wise decision in coming here today."

Roxas ran a hand through his hair. He felt so ashamed and disappointed in himself despite what Vincent had just said. He had always thought of this place as a home for people who were too sick to take care of themselves, people who talked to themselves and tried to commit suicide. He had always thought of mental patients as people who didn't belong in normal society. He had never thought of someone having a mental disorder as someone like _him_.

"Hey, we understand. That's why we're here."

Roxas looked up to see Aeris smiling kindly at him, her big green eyes full of compassion. He wasn't sure if he believed her or not, but nodded nonetheless. He watched as she opened the folder an pulled out an official-looking paper.

"This is a legal document that states your official residence with us," Aeris said. "It basically protects you from the law in case anything happens."

Roxas wondered what Aeris meant by that last statement, but decided not to ask. Instead, he looked at the five degree in handsome mahogany frames behind the desk. He could see a copy of Vincent's PhD on the far right. The other four looked like graduate degrees in clinical psychology.

"Roxas?"

He looked back at Aeris and saw that she was holding out the paper and a fountain pen. Roxas read over the document carefully. Then, with a flurry of butterflies in his chest, he signed his name at the bottom of the page.

Roxas had no idea how much his life was about to change.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes:**

**Okay, I know there really isn't night time in Twilight Town, but in this story, there is. Don't like it? Tough. Here's Chapter 2...**

**Roxas stared up at the ceiling. He had just finished unpacking and was now lying across his bed in the room he would be sharing with another resident. Roxas had yet to meet him, as well as the other residents of Twilight Sanctuary. So far he had only met Vincent and Aeris. He wondered who the other three caregivers were.**

**His room was much nicer than he expected. A few Monet paintings hung in ornamental wooden frames on the lavender walls, and jade green curtains at the large window were pulled back to reveal a view of the front yard and street beyond the porch. There was a small walk-in closet, a writing desk and chair, a bookshelf, and a nightstand that separated two twin-size beds.**

**The difference in the appearance of the two beds is what interested Roxas the most. The bed on which he lay was neatly made. The down comforter was flawlessly smooth and turned down to reveal crisp ivory sheets, and two plump pillows were standing against the headboard. The bed opposite him, however, was a different story.**

**The first time Roxas had seen his roommate's bed, he thought some kind of natural disaster, like an earthquake, had only affected one side of the room. The comforter was pushed all the way down at the end of the bed and the blankets, half on the floor, were a tangled mess of different-colored fabrics. One of the pillows was standing against the headboard and looked to be in fairly good condition, while the other looked like it had been pulverized; the pillowcase was slipping off and some of the feathers were coming out of the end. A few brightly illustrated comic books were strewn across the sheets and a plate with a half-eaten muffin was balanced precariously on the edge of the nightstand. Roxas thought that his absent roommate either had a bad temper, nightmares, or poor organization skills, or all three.**

**He was entertaining himself by imagining what his room mate looked like when he heard a deep, guttural, roaring sound coming up the street outside. He sat up, listening, as the roar came closer, and when it had reached a pitch so intense that the room nearly shook from it, he dashed to the window in a slight panic.**

**A large motorcycle rolled up in front of the house on the street outside. The roaring came to an abrupt stop as two tall figures got off the bike, which was leaning slightly as it rested on its kickstand. Beneath the pallid glow of the moon, Roxas could see that one was muscular and blond, and the other was lanky with long hair. He could also see that they were carrying a few plastic grocery bags. As they made their way up the brick walk, Roxas could hear Aeris call from somewhere close by and her quick footsteps in the hallway.**

"**Tifa! Cloud and Riku are back from the store! Do you mind giving a hand?"**

**Roxas stepped away from the window in time to see Aeris pass outside his open door. Anxiety was rising in his chest again as he heard new voices accompanied by two pairs of footsteps in the foyer. He wrung his hands as he stood in the middle of the room, torn between wanting to help Aeris with the groceries and wanting to stay away from meeting anyone new. Helping out seemed the logical thing to do, but he was so nervous! Leaving the safety and newfound comfort in his new room meant becoming the center of attention of everyone in the house. They would all want to know his name, when he arrived, why he was here…Roxas bit his lip as he wondered if they would ask what was wrong with him. Then what would he say? He himself didn't even know!**

**He was immediately distracted from his worried daze when a tall boy about his age seemingly materialized in the doorway. Roxas swallowed his panic and studied the newcomer with narrowed eyes. The boy was wearing a gray tank and baggy jeans and was leaning against the door frame. His silvery hair was cut in a long shag style, the unkempt bangs almost hiding his turquoise eyes. The corners of his mouth were pulled slightly upward in a smirk.**

"**Yo," the boy said. "So, you must be the new kid Aeris just told me about."**

**Roxas didn't know what to say. He just stood there as the seconds ticked by, an awkward silence rising between them.**

"**Don't talk much, huh?" the boy continued, sauntering passed him. "Good, at least it'll be quiet…"**

**Roxas watched mutely as the boy flung himself down on the bed, tossing one of the comic books that was in his way on the floor. He had a cynical air about him and his voice held a permanent sarcasm.**

"**I'm Riku, by the way," the boy spoke to the ceiling. "Don't worry, you don't gotta tell me your name if you don't want to."**

**Roxas was shocked. He had expected every person he met to pry as much as possible. But this boy, Riku, it's like he actually **_**understood**_** how Roxas felt before he even said anything.**

"**I…I'm Roxas."**

"**So you do talk," Riku said in surprise as he propped himself up on his elbows. "I was beginning to think you'd be a hopeless case like Namine."**

"**Who's Namine?" Roxas asked, sitting down on the edge of his bed.**

"**Oh, so you haven't met her yet. Namine's the only girl here, besides Aeris and Tifa," Riku explained. "So that makes her the only girl patient. She's real quiet, only talks when she has to. And she doesn't go anywhere without Zexion-"**

"**Who?" Roxas said, interested.**

"**Zexion. He's a complete psycho," Riku said impatiently, waving his hand as if this detail was unimportant. Roxas raised his eyebrows. "Don't worry, he's harmless," Riku added, seeing the look on Roxas's face.**

"**He's…a **_**psycho**_**?"**

"**Well, only I call him that," Riku rationalized. "But, yes, he's got psychotic depression."**

**Roxas stared.**

"**Come on, not everyone's perfect," Riku huffed exasperatedly. "Look, we're all pretty screwed up in here, even you. Why are **_**you **_**here?"**

"**I…really don't know," Roxas said, surprised at his own bravery. "I just came here because I don't have anywhere else to go. I'm supposed to see Vincent tomorrow morning."**

"**Huh, he'll have fun with you, that's for sure," Riku said. Then he threw his head back and laughed at the horrified look Roxas was giving him. "It's a joke, Roxas. Everyone who comes here for the first time gets examined by Vincent. It's nothing scary, I promise. I made Namine cry on her first night here. I told her it was really painful."**

"**So, what are you here for?" Roxas asked, relieved. Talking to Riku was easier than he had thought it would be.**

"**Antisocial personality disorder," Riku declared, almost looking proud of himself.**

"**Antisocial?" Roxas said, confused. "But, then why are you talking to me?"**

"**Man, you must **_**really **_**be knew to this whole thing," Riku said, his voice picking up a slightly annoyed tone. "Having an antisocial personality means you violate rules and people's rights and stuff. I came here two months ago because the police were after me for, what is it? 'Disorderly conduct' or some other nonsense." He rolled his eyes. "If the police wanted to be that picky, over half this town would be arrested for disorderly conduct."**

"**What happened?" Roxas asked.**

"**Well, they had already wanted me for vandalism but when one of those fat ass officers cornered me one night I beat his face black and blue and took off. Cloud almost hit me with his motorcycle when I ran across the road, but he protected me from the police. I had already been diagnosed with antisocial personality, and he asked me if I wanted somewhere safe to stay, and I said sure, why not, and now I'm here."**

"**Oh…" Roxas said. He didn't know what else to say. He was beginning to understand that Riku wasn't a criminal; he was just a person who had a medical condition that caused him to behave in ways he normally wouldn't.**

"**I read about this place in the newspaper last year."**

"**Yeah, Vincent was pretty disgusted by the mainstream psychiatric care system," Riku explained, stretching out so that his back rested on the bed and his feet were on the floor. "He became a psychiatrist in an attempt to reform the system, even if it was just locally. He's been good friends with Cloud, Aeris, Tifa, and Leon since they were teenagers. You can tell they really care about us. For them, it's not about money."**

"**How do they support this place, anyway?" Roxas asked, voicing something he had been wondering since he arrived.**

"**Vincent splits his time between a private clinic and here. Over half of his salary goes to this place and he pays Cloud and the others for helping out. The first time he tried to pay them, they refused. Vincent insisted that they wouldn't have any income unless they went out and got other jobs, but they were needed here, so they finally accepted payment. They're really great people."**

"**So, Vincent doesn't live here then?"**

"**Nah, he lives in central Twilight Town. But he comes here everyday, even if no one has an appointment. Vincent is the psychiatrist for all the patients here."**

"**How many people live here, then?" Roxas asked.**

"**I'm pretty sure you're the sixth resident patient, so that makes ten people in all," Riku said, counting on his fingers.**

"**How did they ever find a house big enough?" Roxas exclaimed.**

"**It was actually an excellent find of Aeris's," Riku exclaimed with a chuckle at Roxas's lack of knowledge. "This used to be a finishing school for young women over a hundred years ago. It was abandoned for a while, and in pretty bad shape. It was all dilapidated and stuff. Tifa's parents had just died in a freak accident and she inherited a lot of money from them, and so Tifa decided to use it to repair this place until it was decent enough to live in. Vincent was finishing up in medical school and Tifa and the others had already graduated with masters degrees in clinical psychology. By the time they had fixed this place up, Vincent had his PhD and they established Twilight Sanctuary."**

**Roxas looked around the room, trying to imagine it as an old decrepit building. From what he had seen of it, the house was beautiful.**

"**So, there are six of, you know, us," Roxas said awkwardly. He really didn't know what to call them and he didn't want to sound offensive.**

"**Yeah, there's six of 'us'," Riku said with a laugh. "We have a ton of room, though. Generally, there's two to a bedroom, except Namine, cause she's a girl," he added. Then, with a smirk, "She wanted to room with Zexion, but Aeris wouldn't allow it. So Namine's got her own room, Zexion rooms with Demyx, and now you're in here with me. Axel's got the garret cause he likes his privacy, and Cloud and Leon have the spare bedroom upstairs. Aeris and Tifa are in another room down here."**

**Riku stood up then.**

"**Anyway," he said, glancing at the brass alarm clock on the nightstand. "Dinner should be ready. It's almost seven o'clock."**

**Roxas followed Riku out of their room and down the hall. It was much louder than it had been when Roxas talked with Aeris and Vincent in the office. There were lights on in other rooms off the hall, he could hear the low rumble of people talking, and a television was on nearby. Roxas could smell the delicious aroma of cooking food.**

**Riku led Roxas through a large open doorway and Roxas found himself in a spacious kitchen. A curvy woman with long dark hair was stirring a large pot on the stove at the far end of the kitchen, the contents of which bubbled happily. Riku elbowed Roxas lightly in the ribs, indicating Roxas to follow him, and swaggered over to the woman at the stove.**

"**Yo, Tifa," Riku said, leaning against the counter next to her. Tifa turned with a long wooden spoon in her hand. "You met Roxas yet?"**

"**Oh, hey there!" Tifa exclaimed, holding out her hand for Roxas to take. Roxas shook her hand, blushing slightly. "Aeris told me we had someone new. Nice to meet you, Roxas."**

"**Um…" Roxas began, eyeing the large pot on the stove. "Tifa?"**

"**Yep, that's me!" Tifa said happily. "Have you met everyone already? Have you met Vincent? Well, of course you have, Aeris already told me-"**

"**Tifa, the pot's boiling over," Riku said loudly, taking a few steps away from the stove.**

"**Huh? Oh, shit!" Tifa turned the stove off and plunged the spoon back into the pot, stirring feverishly. "I don't know why that always happens to me…"**

**Roxas glanced at Riku to see him biting his lip to keep from laughing and Roxas had a strong suspicion that Riku distracted her when she was cooking quite often.**

"**Well, good thing they're done," Tifa said conversationally. "You guys want to get some plates for everyone?"**

**Riku showed Roxas where the plates were and they both grabbed a stack each. Roxas was about to set his stack down on the kitchen table but Riku stopped him.**

"**Everyone just eats wherever they want," Riku explained. "No one ever really eats at the table," he added, setting the plates down on the counter near the stove.**

**Tifa left the kitchen then to let everyone know that dinner was ready and Riku let Roxas fix his plate first. There were soba noodles, stir-fried vegetable, and rice. Roxas filled his plate with a little of everything just as there was a small commotion in the doorway.**

"**Hey, Riku, aren't you gonna introduce me to your new friend?"**

"**Oh, hey Dem," Riku said, opening the refrigerator and extracting two cans of soda pop. "Roxas, this is Demyx."**

**Demyx was about Riku's height and the first thing Roxas noticed about him was that everything he did seemed to be done in fast-forward. He even talked fast. He was very friendly, however, and Roxas immediately took a liking to him.**

**When they had all fixed their plates, Demyx led the way out of the kitchen and into a large, cozy family room. There were several leather armchairs and a large couch arranged around a wooden coffee table. A pair of French doors led into a small formal sitting room, and a television sat on top of a large, low cabinet. Riku and Roxas took seats on the couch while Demyx occupied the floor, his back resting against the coffee table.**

**Roxas took a bite of the home cooked soba noodles. They were delicious. He had never thought he would be eating something so wonderful in a place that treated mental patients. However, since he had arrived earlier that day, he was beginning to notice that it was far from any treatment facility he had ever heard of.**

**Shortly after Roxas had finished his dinner, a man with brown hair and a scar across the bridge of his nose entered the living room. He introduced himself to Roxas as Leon, then looked at Riku and Demyx.**

"**All right, who's up for some Halo?"**

**Riku and Demyx agreed enthusiastically, and Riku swore he would take Leon down as Demyx collected the empty dishes and took them to the kitchen.**

"**You ever played Halo, Roxas?" Leon asked, opening the cabinet door underneath the television and pulling out an Xbox and four controllers.**

**Truthfully, Roxas hadn't ever played Xbox in his life. He told Leon so, staring at his shoes.**

"**That's fine, you can be on my team," Leon said. Roxas couldn't get over the idea that he and two other patients were about to play a video game with one of their caretakers. He watched as Leon untangled the wires and Demyx bounded back into the room, announcing that Aeris was making a pot of tea.**

**It was after he had been beaten for the third time by Riku's man, despite Leon's efforts to help him out, did Roxas understand something. As he listened to the casual banter among Riku, Demyx, and Leon, Roxas realized that there was no real difference between patient and caretaker. Vincent and the others had established Twilight Sanctuary not as a place that kept people with mental conditions away from mainstream society, but as a home for those who had been shunned from it. Leon, as well as the other caretakers, were simply people who had a deep understanding of psychology, but possessed and even deeper love for those they took care of.**

**Roxas almost smiled, sipping the hot chamomile tea that Aeris had brought a few minutes ago. It was like they were a family.**

**Author's Notes:**

**GAH! You have no idea how difficult that ending was to write. I actually re-wrote it a few times until I was satisfied with it. I was planning on introducing Zexion and Namine, but that didn't work out too well. Also, as I look back over it, Roxas never officially met Cloud. Oh well, that gives me something to work with in the next chapter. **


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes:

Chapter 3 is finally here. Lots of Roxas and a little Riku dynamic-y goodness. Like chocolate. Not the cheap stuff that gives you indigestion, but the real stuff. Like Godiva. With raspberry filling. Enjoy.

Roxas sat with his hands clasped in his lap, his ankles crossed, and stared at the clawed iron foot of the round dining room table. The only sound was the methodical _tick-tock_ of a grandfather clock and the dark-haired psychiatrist across the table extracting a thin leather-bound notebook and ink pen from his black bag. He didn't look up as he heard Vincent seat himself and place his bag on the floor, out of sight.

Roxas felt as if his jaws were locked together. The silence in the small, formal sitting room was painful, and as the seconds ticked by, feeling so much more like hours, his insides squirmed and tightened with apprehension. The evening before had been so full of lighthearted conversation and laughter that Roxas had forgotten all about his appointment with Vincent the following morning. Now, however, he was so nervous that he couldn't stop his hands from shaking. He pressed them harder together in an attempt to steady them.

"Well, Roxas, how was your first night here?"

Roxas looked up, surprised at the casual inquiry. He had expected nothing short of an interrogation from the moment the psychiatrist and he were seated and guaranteed privacy behind the closed French doors until his diagnosis was declared. He did not expect to see the dark-haired man reclining casually in his chair, his ankle resting on his knee, with his notebook lying closed on the table before him.

"Yeah, it was great," the younger of the two replied after a slight hesitation.

"That is good to hear," Vincent replied, nodding his head slightly. "And did you meet everyone?"

"Um…I met all the caretakers except Cloud," Roxas explained, trying to keep his voice from quivering. "I'm rooming with Riku, and we talked some before dinner, and then we played Halo with Demyx and Leon. And…that's it," he ended awkwardly.

"I see," Vincent said, fixing him with a shrewd gaze. "You got along with Riku and Demyx well, I presume?"

"Yeah, they were both really nice," Roxas said genuinely, the previous intimidation he had felt receding slightly.

"Very good," Vincent said. He regarded Roxas with that keen look that made Roxas feel as if his skull were being x-rayed for a moment longer before taking the notebook from the table and opening it.

"Roxas, would you tell me a bit about what has been troubling you?" the doctor continued, balancing his notebook on his knee.

Roxas felt his face drain and turned to look out of the sliding glass doors to his right that opened out into a large, beautiful garden. Trees ablaze with pink cherry blossoms basked in the bright midmorning sun and ivy and jasmine crept, entwining in a maze of yellow and green, over a trellis near a carved wooden bench. Blue forget-me-nots spilled out of flowerbeds and marigolds stood proudly by the door. A brick path flanked by sunny daffodils and dark irises meandered through the center of the garden beneath the shade of the cherry trees. A high wooden fence enclosed the garden.

And yet, despite the brilliant colors and sunshine outside, a dark cloud was settled stubbornly over Roxas's heart. Twisting his hands in his lap, he struggled to put his feelings into words.

"I worry a lot…" he began uneasily. "But…it's not like normal worrying. I worry about things I feel like I can't control. It scares me."

He looked up to see Vincent scribbling in his notebook. Roxas waited for him to finish before saying anything else, but could only clear his throat. The constant ticking of the clock behind him was distracting. Vincent waited patiently.

"I'm afraid of not being happy. Ever. I'm scared of loneliness, and disappointment, and…death."

Roxas had barely uttered the last word above a whisper, but it hung in the air as if he had shouted it.

"Roxas, do you dwell on these things a lot?" Vincent questioned, his dark eyebrows furled.

"All the time."

"Does anything ever happen to you when you think about, say, dying?"

Roxas nodded.

"It's like…I'm having a heart attack," he explained, staring at the glass tabletop. "My heart starts pounding really hard, and my chest hurts. And I can't breathe right. I can't stop shaking. Sometimes I get really cold, but I'm sweating at the same time."

Vincent scribbled faster, recording everything Roxas said.

"Does it ever terrify you?"

"Like all hell."

"Do you have any trouble sleeping?"

"Sometimes," Roxas said, thinking. "I'm afraid to go to sleep."

"Why is that?" Vincent asked softly.

"I'm afraid I'll die in my sleep."

"Any nightmares?"

"Almost every night."

"Roxas, when was the last time you had a check-up?"

"Well," Roxas replied, searching his memory. "I think it was about three months ago, a couple of weeks before the new year."

"Were you in good physical health?"

"Yeah, as far as I know."

"There were no complications?"

Roxas shook his head and bit his lip. How long was this going to go on?

"How was your childhood, Roxas?" Vincent asked gently.

"It was okay, I guess," Roxas said, not sure how this could have anything to do with what was wrong with his head.

"Were you ever abused?"

"No," Roxas replied, a little startled by the question.

Vincent sat back in his chair and looked over his notes. Then, capping his pen, he closed the notebook and set both aside.

"Roxas, this is, quite plainly, generalized anxiety," Vincent said, crossing his arms and regarding Roxas with that shrewd look again.

"So…what does that mean?" Roxas asked after a moment.

"Excessive worry, often irrational, characterized by behaviors such as panic attacks and insomnia, among others," Vincent explained. "I would like for you to start taking an anti-anxiety medication."

Roxas watched as Vincent reached into his bag and pulled out a small notepad, and, uncapping his pen again, began writing something.

"Xanax is a medicataion used specifically for the treatment of panic and anxiety disorders," Vincent explained as he wrote. "I'll have you start taking .5 milligrams, three times a day: once when you wake up in the morning, once before lunch, and again before you go to bed. Give this to one of the others and they can have it filled for you."

Vincent separated the note from the rest of the pad and handed it to Roxas. Roxas gazed down at it. Vincent had written the name of the medication, the dosage, and his directions. At the bottom was Vincent's signature, the spindly letters dark and slanting.

"Do you have any questions for me, Roxas?" Vincent asked, watching him closely.

"I don't think so," Roxas replied slowly. It was all beginning to sink in. He felt like an idiot, regarding people with mental conditions as lunatics. He just hadn't known, but now, sitting across the table from Vincent, he began to understand how it felt, and how wrong he had been.

Vincent had stood and was packing up his bag. Roxas stood also, still feeling a little dazed. He allowed Vincent to open the door to the kitchen for him, and they both were greeted by the muscular blond man, Cloud.

"Hello Roxas," he said kindly, offering his hand. "I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself yesterday, I had my hands full. I'm Cloud."

Roxas shook his hand mutely, then handed him the prescription. Cloud scanned it with his cerulean eyes, then pocketed it.

"I'll give this to Aeris when I see her," Cloud said. "She has to go to the pharmacy today to refill Zexion's medication, anyway. Vincent, may I escort you to the door?"

Roxas saw Vincent raise an eyebrow, and Cloud pursed his lips as an unspoken message passed between them. Vincent nodded, then turned to Roxas.

"I will see you again in two weeks to see how the medication is working," he said. "Take care, Roxas."

And with that, Cloud swept out of the kitchen and down the hall, Vincent close behind him.

_I wonder what that was about…Did I say something wrong? _Roxas thought, panicking slightly. Quietly, he left the kitchen and followed the sound of low voices in the foyer. He had only taken a few steps when a door creaked open farther down the hall on the right.

Roxas froze, torn between wanting to know if he was in trouble and being caught eavesdropping. Two people had emerged in the corridor, but it was too dark at the far end of the hall to discern who they were. As they slowly moved towards him, Roxas realized that they must be two of the three patients he hadn't met yet.

The smaller of the two was a girl about Roxas's age, but she was so tiny and fragile that she looked like a child. A pair of grayish blue eyes peeked out at Roxas from behind her flaxen hair, fear and anxiety clearly present in them. Her delicate form was clothed in a white dress, and her bare feet were like twin magnolias against the wooden floor. She was hiding halfway behind a man with that was only about a head taller than her, he hand clasped firmly in his. The man's head was bowed, his long blue hair obscuring his face. His shoulders sagged as if he were bearing a great burden, and his steps were slow and hesitant.

Roxas watched as they drew closer. It was almost painful to watch the man's troublesome movements. Although the girl didn't take her frightened blue eyes off of him, the man seemed as if he didn't even know Roxas was there. That is, at least, until they were about an arm's length apart, when the man slowly lifted his head.

Roxas gasped. He had a young face, about the same age as Demyx, but his youthful features were twisted in agony. His pale jaw was clenched, and his thin eyebrows were knitted together above a pair of midnight blue eyes. They shone like sapphires as a couple of tears fell slowly from the long lashes. He locked gazes with Roxas for a second before bowing his head again and continuing past him, the girl tightening her hand in his as she looked over her shoulder at Roxas.

"_Zexion…he's a complete psycho…he's got psychotic depression," _Roxas recalled Riku's words during their conversation the previous evening. _"Namine…she doesn't go anywhere without Zexion."_

For a moment, Roxas wanted to call them back, he wanted to offer comfort to the distressed man. But his eyes…they were nothing short of disturbing. And Namine looked absolutely terrified of Roxas.

The slam of the front door jerked Roxas from his thoughts. Not wanting to be caught answering awkward questions about what he was doing standing in the middle of the hall and looking as if he'd just seen a ghost, he continued down the corridor and flung himself into his and Riku's room just as Cloud emerged from the foyer.

Roxas sat on the edge of his bed and watched the jade curtains at the open window flutter a bit. Sunlight danced in thin bars across the floor.

He had never seen anyone look so broken. Riku had called Zexion a psycho as if he were someone to fear, or disrespect, or laugh at. But Roxas could see nothing amusing about what he had just encountered. Though it was only for a moment, Roxas had seen unsurpassed misery in Zexion's eyes. He felt his chest cave slightly, and he realized that what he was feeling was a mix of pity and guilt. His entire life, he had regarded mental patients as criminals, people who weren't worth his time to even acknowledge. He had always thought that they must have done something to bring it on themselves. But now, as his eyes slipped out of focus as he watched the sunlight peaking through the window, he realized that he couldn't have been more wrong. Zexion needed to be shown kindness, perhaps more than anyone Roxas had ever met.

It had been difficult to realize that there were people here whose conditions were serious when he was around Riku and Demyx. Riku didn't seem ill to Roxas, just someone who needed to learn to understand people and teach about himself in return, and Demyx was fun to be around even though he had acute mania. For the past twenty-four hours, he had begun to believe that everyone here was faring well in the caretakers' hands. He had never really expected there to be anyone here who was in as bad a shape as Zexion.

It was nearly an hour later when Roxas heard the front door slam again and Riku and Demyx's unmistakable voices. A minute later, Riku sauntered into the room, a denim jacket tossed over his shoulder. He stopped when he saw Roxas lying on the bed.

"Hey, what's up with you?" Riku said.

"Oh…hey Riku," Roxas replied, sitting up.

"How was your visit with Vincent?" Riku asked, tossing his jacket on his bed before crossing to the bookshelf and beginning to look for something.

"It was okay, I guess," Roxas said, more to himself than to Riku. "Hey, Riku?"

"Mm?" Riku said to show that he was listening.

"Do you take medication?" Roxas asked, feeling a little ashamed at his question.

Riku stopped what he was doing and turned to look at Roxas.

"Well, no, not regularly. I'm the only person here who doesn't," he said, looking proud of himself. Then, when he realized he wasn't helping, he added, "Vincent gave me a prescription for some mild tranquilizers in case things…get out of hand. Why, did Vincent give you an Rx?"

"Yeah…" Roxas said, resting his chin in his hand. "He wants me to start taking Zanax three time a day."

"It's better than being analyzed by Vincent every week," Riku replied, rolling his eyes. "He gave you a diagnosis, then?"

"He said I have generalized anxiety."

"Well, that makes sense," Riku said, sitting on his bed opposite Roxas. "I mean, you looked so nervous when I met you, I was expecting Vincent to diagnose you with an anxiety disorder."

"Yeah, I do worry a lot," Roxas agreed, looking at the floor.

"Hey…" Roxas looked up to see Riku leaning forward a little, elbows on his knees. "Don't let it get to you. That's the first thing you're gonna learn here: we're not crazy, including you. Get that out of your head. Vincent's a doctor, right. You have a medical condition, not madness."

Roxas stared. Riku had said he wasn't capable of relating to other people, and yet he had just said one of the most humane and understanding things Roxas had ever heard. Roxas was about to tell him so, but Riku cleared his throat and stood.

"Anyway, I wish you could've come with Demyx and Aeris and Tifa and me. Of course, it was boring when Aeris was picking out her stupid bulbs for the garden, but then we went to a diner for brunch. They had chocolate chip pancakes. I thought you would have liked them."

And without another word, he left Roxas alone to contemplate what he had said.

Author's Notes:

I'm pretty excited about the next chapter. Roxas meets the only person he hasn't met yet. You know who I'm talking about. Hee hee. Oh, and when Riku says "Rx" when referring to Roxas's medication, he's actually saying the two letters. It's not that I was lazy and didn't want to write out the word "prescription."


	4. Chapter 4

It was dark, the furniture merely shadows looming in the blackness. The only source of light in the room was a gray rectangle where the moonlight glowed wanly through the curtained window, and the bright blue numbers of the clock on the nightstand, seemingly hovering in midair.

Roxas pulled the blankets up higher so that only his head was uncovered. It was quiet except for Riku's slow, even breathing in the bed across the room. Roxas could feel his own heart pumping rhythmically in his chest.

He couldn't sleep. Truthfully, he was a little afraid to. He couldn't stop his mind from thinking in circles around the same fear: What if he died in his sleep?

He knew it was irrational, that his body was in perfectly good health, but he couldn't shake the anxious feeling in his gut. What if he fell asleep and just _died_? He wouldn't even know it.

Roxas huddled under the covers and rolled onto his side, drawing his knees up to his chest. The blue 11:24 stared at him out of the darkness. Roxas glared back, frowning.

Death…such a disturbing and fearful subject. Roxas felt a chill run up his spine at the thought. He had never known anyone who had died and he certainly hadn't ever seen a dead person before. He had heard that it was pretty horrible when someone dies. Rigor mortis sets in and the body becomes cold. He shivered, unwanted images filling his mind.

Everything stops working. All body systems, the heart, the brain…Roxas swallowed, feeling panic rising in his chest. That meant that in death there were no thoughts, no feelings, no ideas, and no memories. There was…nothing.

_Stop! _Roxas screamed in his head. He was fine, he wasn't going to die. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. He wasn't going to die. And even as he thought this phrase over and over, a wicked voice in the back of his head murmured what he knew was the truth.

_Everyone dies someday._

Roxas felt his face drain as a shock of panic flooded his body. He began to shake badly and his breathing became quick and shallow. He put a hand to his heart as his chest started to hurt. There was a loud buzzing in his ears. He squeezed his eyes shut and a whimper escaped him. He was going to die, and there was nothing he, or anyone else, could do about it.

He shot up, throwing the blankets off him. It was too hot. He could feel sweat beading on his face. A few tears leaked from his eyes. He desperately wanted to run away somewhere, anywhere, but he knew it would do him no good. There was no way to run away from his own mind.

Roxas stood and stumbled to the door. He was so dizzy. He fumbled for the knob in the darkness and flung the door open.

The hallway, too, was dark, but a bright patch of light spilled across the floor a little farther down the corridor from a doorway on the left. The kitchen.

Roxas calmed down slightly as he was distracted from his distressing thoughts. He could hear voices conversing quietly in the kitchen. He hadn't thought anyone would be up at this hour. He was still shaking and hyperventilating, but as he tiptoed closer to the bright square on the floor, his heart rate began to return to normal. He stopped sort of the doorway, out of sight.

"Would you like some of the vegetable pot pie Tifa made for dinner?" Aeris's soothing voice said.

"No, just tea."

The second voice was new to Roxas. Even through its weary, apathetic tone, he could hear that it had a rough, melodic quality.

"You sure, man? You've not really had much to eat over the past few days." Leon's voice was laced with concern.

"I've not had much of an appetite," the new voice replied.

Roxas tried to swallow, but his throat was parched. His panic attack had left him thirsty and weak-kneed. He wanted something to drink, but he was afraid of getting in trouble for being out of bed. The new voice was speaking again, suddenly irritated.

"..and don't give me any of that chamomile crap that you feed everyone else."

"How abut some vanilla chai?" Aeris said calmly.

"That's fine."

Roxas heard Aeris rustling in the tea cabinet just as the kettle began to whistle. Her quick steps crossed the kitchen and the knob on the stove clicked as she turned it off. Then there was the sound of water being poured into three mugs. Roxas bit his lip. If he didn't make himself known now, there wouldn't be enough hot water left for him to have any tea. But he didn't want them to think he had been eavesdropping.

Faking a huge yawn, Roxas stepped into the kitchen. The linoleum floor was cool beneath his feet. He squinted in the bright light. Leon was leaning against the counter near the sink, his arms crossed. Aeris was standing at the stove wearing a long pink bathrobe, three steaming mugs before her with three strings hanging over their sides, kettle in her hand.

"It looks like we're not the only ones burning the midnight oil," Leon said.

"Hm, come join our little party."

Roxas whirled around. A man who looked about the same age as Demyx and Zexion was seated at the far end of the oval table, tilting his chair back on two legs. He had a wild, pillar-box red mane that was styled in long spikes. He had sharp, angular features and the most intense green gaze Roxas had ever seen. Beneath each eye was a small tattoo in the shape of an inverted teardrop. He was lanky and so _skinny_. He was wearing a long-sleeved white thermal shirt and a pair of black and red plaid pajama pants. His feet were clad in black Dr. Martens, the red laces hanging untied.

"Are you okay, Roxas?" Aeris said, her voice laced with concern. "You're very pale…"

"I…just had a panic attack," Roxas admitted sadly.

"Oh, Roxas. Come, sit down," Aeris said maternally, pulling a chair out for him. "Would you like some tea? It will soothe you nerves."

Roxas nodded, allowing himself to be steered into a chair. Aeris retrieved another mug from the cabinet and added a teabag and hot water from the kettle before setting it down in front of him. Leon disappeared and quickly returned with a soft blanket, which he draped around Roxas's shoulders.

"Would you like to tell me what happened, Roxas?" Aeris asked., sitting down across the table from him.

Roxas stared into his mug. The water was becoming a soft golden color He took a deep breath and smelled the slightly sweet aroma of chamomile and honey. It seemed so odd to wonder what death was like with Aeris and Leon present, the bright overhead light making everything feel so comforting and familiar.

"I took the medication like Vincent told me to," Roxas began, playing with the little tag at the end of the teabag string. "I don't understand why I just…panicked."

"All medications that treat the mind take a few weeks to begin working properly," Leon said softly. "You won't begin to notice any changes until next weak, at the earliest."

"What were you thinking about that caused your panic attack?" Aeris prodded gently.

Roxas frowned. He really didn't want to think about it, much less talk about it. He was afraid of having another panic attack.

"I was lying in bed and I couldn't sleep…and then I just started thinking about death." Roxas said glumly, removing the teabag from his mug with the spoon Aeris had provided, depositing it in the saucer.

"Are you frightened of death, Roxas?" Aeris said.

Roxas nodded and took a sip of tea, swallowing the lump in his throat that had suddenly appeared.

The redhead at the end of the table stood and crossed to the refrigerator then. He was very tall.

"Death is one of the few things that all people share in common," he said, his back to them. "I, too, have suffered disturbing thoughts about it. I also realized that those thoughts were feeding off my illness. They'll go away once your medication begins to work. Got it memorized?"

"Axel's right," Aeris said reassuringly as the redhead returned to the table with the milk carton. "Your thoughts are fueled by your anxiety."

Roxas wrapped his hands around the mug, feeling its warmth. He sort of understood what they were talking about. He just found that the thoughts were difficult to ignore.

"The thoughts are worse at night," Roxas said out loud.

"That's because the monsters like to come out at night," Axel said, pouring milk into his chai. The spoon tinkled against the china as he stirred. "You'll be okay, kid. I know because what's happening to you now has happened to me several times before. The thoughts will go away. I promise."

Roxas nodded. He was beginning to relax, the tea working its herbal magic on him.

"You can sleep on the couch in the living room tonight if you want to, Roxas," Aeris offered kindly. "Mine and Tifa's room are right across the hall, we'll hear you if you need anything."

"Okay," Roxas agreed. He didn't want to go back to his room and lay in the dark again.

They finished their tea in silence. Leon bid them good night and Roxas could hear him climbing the stairs in the entrance hall. When he had drunk to the lukewarm dregs at the bottom of the cup, Aeris took it to the sink and washed it for him. Roxas wrapped the blanket around him tightly as Aeris led him out of the kitchen.

"Hey kid."

Roxas stopped and turned. Axel was leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed, regarding him with that intense emerald gaze.

"Don't forget what I said."

Roxas nodded, but was too tired to say anything. He followed Aeris down the hall, his bare feet padding along on the cool wooden floor.

Aeris made up a bed for Roxas on the couch with a couple of a sheet and a pillow she had retrieved from a trunk in the corner of the living room. Roxas watched her sleepily, rubbing his eyes. When she was done, he lay down on it. Aeris covered him with the blanket that Leon had brought him earlier, and placed a quilt over the back of the sofa.

"There's an extra blanket here if you're cold, okay?" Aeris said quietly, so as not to wake anyone up.

Roxas nodded as Aeris switched off the lamp on the end table. A small yellow nightlight in the shape of a star prevented the room from being completely dark. Roxas looked at it, silently thanking it for its company.

"Would you like me to stay with you until you go to sleep?" Aeris said.

Roxas nodded again and Aeris sat on the floor in front of the couch. His eyes fluttered closed and a second later he felt Aeris's cool fingertips stroke comfortingly over his face.

"Sleep…" she whispered.

Roxas sighed. He would be okay. Really. No more bad thoughts…

"Shh…"

He was drifting in and out of consciousness, Aeris's fingertips kissing his forehead. No more bad thoughts…

He was going to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey. I'm back. And so is the story. Sorry about the long wait, I've been kind of busy. Anyway, here is Chapter 5, and it's longer than the others! Oh, and can you guess what's up with Axel? Read and you might find out…

And no cheating!

Roxas didn't see Axel again for the next few days. As he became more comfortable living at Twilight Sanctuary, he also began to put his trust in the caregivers and regard Riku and Demyx as close friends. Vincent always asked how he was doing on his daily visits to the house, and Roxas was beginning to feel as though the tough shell of anxiety was slowly chipping away.

April arrived, bringing with it a torrent of rain. Roxas usually woke up to gray skies outside his and Riku's bedroom windows, and it wasn't unusual for him to fall asleep to the sound of rolling thunder in the distance. Storms were the weather forecast nearly everyday, so often that Vincent had swapped his dress shoes for a pair of rubber boots, much to Riku's amusement.

One evening, over a week after he had first stepped into the shelter, Roxas wandered out of his room in pursuit of a warm snack. Although it was only three o'clock in the afternoon, it was so dark that the cars on the street outside would be nearly invisible if it wasn't for their bright headlights. Rain hammered relentlessly on the roof, and the wind rattled the windowpanes as it pounded against the house. Loud thunder rumbled overhead every now and then, accompanied by a brilliant flash of lightning.

It was very quiet inside the house compared to the roaring storm outside. Roxas wrapped his arms around himself, the thin knitted sweater not quite keeping out the chill. As he passed the foyer, he felt goose bumps erupt on his skin, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. He shivered. Vincent had said it was cool out when he had dropped by for lunch. Hesitating, Roxas peered around the doorframe at the staircase. He hadn't had the chance to properly meet Axel and thanks him for his kind words a few nights ago.

The kitchen was empty when Roxas entered the spacious room. He opened the large cabinet next to the refrigerator and pulled out a box of instant macaroni and cheese, the dry noodles clattering against the cardboard container as he flipped it over to read the directions.

The floor creaked above him as Roxas was pulling a small pot out from the cupboard. He stopped what he was doing and raised his eyes to the ceiling. More than one pair of footsteps were crossing over his head. He frowned. Was everyone else upstairs? Roxas tilted his head, listening, but the room above had become quiet again.

He opened the box and poured its contents into the pot, then filled the saucepan halfway with water from the faucet at the sink. He set the pot on the stove and turned it on, the knob clicking softly for a second before a small flame glowed orange and purple beneath the black coil.

Roxas leaned against the counter, stirring occasionally so that the macaroni didn't stick to the pot. A couple of minutes later, he spooned the noodles onto a small plate and retrieved a fork from the utensil drawer. It was then that he heard a shout from the living room.

"Out! Get Out!"

Roxas stared in the direction the voice had come from. It was silent for a few seconds, and then an earsplitting shriek pierced through the house.

Roxas jumped and immediately started shaking. What on earth was happening? Instinctively, he dashed from the kitchen and down the hall. When he reached the living room, he froze as his eyes met a heart wrenching sight.

Zexion was hunched in an armchair, his fists clutched in his hair. He was rocking back and forth and gazing in terror at the television.

"Leave me alone, leave me alone," he chanted in a frightened voice, and Roxas wasn't sure if he was talking to him, the television, or himself. A quiet sob made Roxas whirl around, and his eyes fell on Namine, huddled in the corner with her hands over her eyes. Her shoulders her shaking violently.

Demyx skidded into the living room then, quickly followed by Riku.

"Shit," Demyx cursed. Then he turned around and ran back down the hallway. Riku, on the other hand, shoved Roxas out of the way and dove for the televison remote, which was lying on the coffee table.

"Turn it off, fool!" he shot at Roxas, punching the large green button at the top of the control. The news reporter on the television disappeared and the screen went blank, but Zexion continued to rock and yell at whatever demons were plaguing his mind.

"I hate it! You deserve it! I hate you!"

"Zexion!" Riku said loudly, taking a step forward, but Zexion was either ignoring him, or he had no idea he was there. There was a thud and Roxas tore his eyes away from Zexion. Namine had banged her small fist against the wall, and she was crying harder.

Cloud, Aeris, and Leon arrived a moment later, blocking Roxas's view, but before they could do so much as open their mouths, a flurry of red and black swept past them.

Axel walked slowly toward Zexion, his expression unreadable. The only sounds in the room were Zexion chanting "I hate you" over and over again, Namine sobbing quietly in her corner, and the wind whistling outside. When Axel was about an arm's length from Zexion, he lowered himself onto his knees so that he was on the same eye level as the silver-haired man.

"Zexion," he said softly. "Zexion…it's Axel."

Zexion must have comprehended this small amount of information, because his eyes had focused on Axel instead of gazing with fear and confusion into oblivion. He was, however, still cursing himself under his breath.

Axel stretched out his hand very slowly and gently but firmly touched Zexion's arm. Zexion flinched slightly, but didn't shy away from Axel. The redhead cautiously moved closer, keeping eye contact the whole time, his hand resting on Zexion's forearm.

"A boy…" Roxas heard Zexion mutter. "A boy tried to escape a sanitarium and they caught him…and they…they-"

Axel put his fingertip to Zexion's lips. Roxas noticed that tears were spilling from the latter's eyes, and he was shaking badly. Axel was whispering something that Roxas couldn't hear, but Zexion was hanging onto every word. He let his fingers slip from his silvery locks to clutch at Axel's black long-sleeved shirt, and Axel gently put his arms around the distressed man. Zexion allowed himself to be pulled closer and, his features crumpling, hid his face in Axel's neck.

Roxas felt a hand gently pulling at his arm. He blinked and looked around, dazed, to find Aeris standing beside him. He looked past her to see that Namine was gone, as were Cloud, Leon, and Riku.

"Come on," Aeris mouthed. Roxas glanced back at Axel and Zexion. Zexion's face was still buried in Axel's shoulder, but he had quieted, and Axel was still whispering to him. Then he turned and silently followed Aeris out of the living room.

When they entered the kitchen, they found Tifa, Leon, and Namine seated at the table. Namine was holding Tifa's hand in her lap and was sipping a glass of water. She was still shaking a little. The macaroni and cheese Roxas had made was still sitting in a plate on the counter, now lukewarm.

"You okay, Roxas?" Leon asked quietly.

Roxas nodded slowly. He wasn't exactly sure what he had just witnessed. He felt bad for Zexion and slightly disturbed at his behavior at the same time. But what was more, it was Axel who had helped Zexion, even when three other caretakers had been present. And he had also helped he, Roxas, a few nights before. So why was Axel here as a patient?

"Vincent said he'll be here as quickly as he can."

Roxas looked to see Cloud leaning against the doorframe.

"Is Zexion okay?" Roxas said quickly.

"Zexion is very sick, Roxas," Aeris said gently. "He suffers from a condition that causes him to experience delusions and hallucinations. We were just a little surprised because his medication has been preventing him from experiencing them for quite a while now."

"He relapsed, Roxas," Leon explained. "That's why Cloud phoned Vincent right away."

"Relapse?" Roxas exclaimed. But Leon held his hand up for him to stop talking.

"Right now Zexion needs quiet. That's the only way you can help him right now. I know seeing that can be unsettling, but please, Roxas, don't worry about it."

"Why don't you go relax, Roxas?" Aeris suggested. "Your biggest priority should be taking care of yourself. We'll take care of Zexion."

Roxas nodded, knowing the conversation was over. He glanced at Namine, who was wiping her eyes with a tissue, before passing Cloud in the doorway and trudging down the hall to his room.

When he pushed the door open, he found Riku and Demyx sitting on the beds. They stopped talking when Roxas entered the room.

"Hey Rox," Riku said. "We thought you had gotten lost."

Roxas shrugged indifferently and sat at the edge of his bed. Demyx moved to sit next to Riku.

"You okay?" Demyx asked.

Roxas didn't answer at first. There were a thousand thoughts chasing each other around his brain, and he didn't know which questions to ask.

"Leon said Zexion relapsed," he finally managed to say.

"Yeah. He's not been that bad for two months, at least," Riku replied. "The last time it happened was a few days after I came here."

"So…what's going to happen to him now?" Roxas asked sadly. "Cloud said Vincent is coming over."

"It's probably a medication issue," Demyx explained. "Since Zexion has psychotic depression, he takes antidepressants _and _anti-psychotics. It's not like us, how we only take one medication. You take one type of pill for your anxiety, and I only take one type of mood stabilizer for mania. But it's not like that for Zexion. Vincent has to figure out which medications will work for him, and if one doesn't work, stops working, or has a reverse effect, that's what happens."

"What exactly happened?" Roxas asked.

"He either had a hallucination, or delusional thinking, or both," Demyx said.

"What are those?" Roxas said, feeling slightly foolish at his lack of knowledge.

"Hallucinations are sensations that aren't real," Riku explained. "Like, he was hearing voices or seeing things that weren't really there."

"And delusions are believing things that aren't true," Demyx continued. "Like he might have thought that the news reporter was talking to him or he thinks he's a bad person and deserves to die."

"That's why I turned the TV off," Riku added.

"That's awful," Roxas said, more to himself than the others.

Demyx nodded. "That's why Vincent's coming over to examine him."

"So, what about Namine?" Roxas asked. "She was really upset."

"Oh, she has PTSD," Demyx said. "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. From what I know, she was abused by her parents. She gets upset whenever someone starts yelling."

"She has flashbacks and stuff about the abuse," Riku explained. "Like, when someone yells she remembers being yelled at by her parents, and she just kind of breaks down. I heard Vincent telling Aeris about it."

"It probably upset her even more because she was scared for Zexion," Demyx added. "She loves him."

"She _loves_-?" Roxas began.

"Not like she's 'in love' with him or anything," Demyx clarified. "At least, I don't think so. But they do have a unique relationship. You see, they keep each other company, comfort each other. They're both pretty quiet, so it just seems obvious that they would form a close bond."

A silence fell over them then as they heard the front door open and footsteps in the entrance hall.

"Vincent's here," Demyx said quietly.

"What about Axel?" Roxas finally blurted.

A look passed between Riku and Demyx that they couldn't quite hide.

"What about him?" Riku replied.

"What's wrong with him?" Roxas asked. "I mean, he helped Zexion out, and he helped me out a few nights ago after I had a panic attack." When neither of them looked like they were about to explain, he continued. "Why isn't he a caregiver? I don't think anything is wrong with him."

Riku burst out laughing. Demyx elbowed him in the ribs, but allowed himself a wide grin.

"What?" Roxas said, looking from one to the other. "I'm not trying to be funny."

"Roxas, man, Axel is sicker than all of us, including Zexion and Namine, put together." Riku said, regaining control himself.

"But…he said some really understanding things to me, and he calmed Zexion down, probably better than Cloud or Leon could."

"It's because he _understands_," Demyx explained, leaning forward. "You see, there's a big difference in being able to imagine how something feels, and experiencing it first-hand."

"Why doesn't he ever come around, then?" Roxas asked. "Riku, you said he stays upstairs because he likes his privacy, but…it's like he's isolated from the rest of us."

"We don't really know," Demyx admitted. "Maybe he does like his privacy, or maybe he's on Vincent's orders, but the only thing I really know is that he's been here the longest, and I've heard of things that have happened to him that would make you have nightmares even when you're awake."

"So, he has a diagnosis?" Roxas asked. He was suddenly feeling very anxious again.

"Yep," Demyx said, and there was something in his eyes that told Roxas he was being honest. "He's got bipolar."

Ahem, you may now begin typing your review…


	6. Chapter 6

Whoa, sorry I've been gone for so long! I've been busy getting ready for college and I'm writing another story over on . Sorry! Well, here is a new chapter for you guys. Things are beginning to pick up in this story, I have to say =)

PS I don't own any of the prescription drugs!

The downstairs bathroom was full of hot steam. It hung in the air as thick white mist and created mesmerizing patterns as it swirled out of the shower. It clung to the oval mirror above the sink, transforming the small room into an eerie chamber akin to the unfamiliar places only found in dreams.

Roxas tugged the big blue towel down from the hook on the closed door and wrapped it around himself. He buried his face in it for a moment, inhaling the comforting aroma of lavender. The towel was soft against his wet skin.

Why was Axel never around? Throughout the entire week, Roxas had only seen him twice, and even then it had only been for a few minutes. They had barely even spoken to one another, and yet…

Roxas began towel-drying his hair. He hardly even knew Axel, and yet he felt intrigued by him. This, he supposed, was because Axel himself was a mystery even to Demyx, who had been living at Twilight Sanctuary for nearly six months. But Roxas also felt a distinct sadness that he didn't quite believe had anything to do with his medical condition.

Perhaps it all had been because of what Demyx and Riku had said earlier. Roxas wrapped the now damp towel around his waist and he couldn't stop his chest from squeezing with worry and compassion. He didn't really want to admit it to himself, but he felt sorry for Axel. Of course, he empathized with all the patients, but Axel just seemed so isolated from everyone else. He was so skinny that Roxas had a wondering suspicion that Axel wasn't eating. He had expressed to Roxas that he had suffered the same disturbing thoughts about death. And hadn't Riku and Demyx just told him mere hours ago that Axel suffered from bipolar disorder?

Roxas turned the knob and pulled the bathroom door open. A rush of cold air greeted him and he shivered, and then, holding the towel around his nude body, dashed the short distance down the hall and into his room.

The bedroom was empty, so Roxas closed the door and dropped the towel in the laundry hamper without having to worry about telling Riku to turn around and not look at him while he put on some clothes. It was still raining outside. Roxas listened to it pattering steadily on the roof as he pulled on a pair of pajama pants with a pattern of sea salt ice creams and an old t-shirt. He sighed comfortably and looked around for one of Riku's comic books. It was still quite early, and even though the warm shower had helped him relax, he wasn't sleepy yet. Picking up the comic on the top of a haphazard stack of them on Riku's side of the night table, he pulled down the covers and crawled into bed.

He was just getting comfortable when he remembered that he hadn't taken his bedtime dose of medicine. Groaning, Roxas tossed the comic back on the night table and pushed the bedspread off him. He hadn't missed a dose yet, and he wasn't sure what Vincent or the others would say if they knew he hadn't taken it. Deciding he didn't want to find out, Roxas crossed the room and pulled the door open.

He almost collided with Aeris in the kitchen doorway.

"Oh, Roxas, I was about to go ask you if you had taken your medication yet," Aeris said.

"Yeah, I almost forgot about it," Roxas replied.

"Would you like some tea with it?" Aeris offered, stepping over to the cabinet where at least a dozen boxes of tea stood, stacked neatly on top of each other.

"No thanks, I'll just have some water."

Aeris took a seat at the table and Roxas noticed that Cloud, Zexion, and Namine were also there. Namine seemed to be back to her quiet, observant self, sitting as close to Zexion as possible. The silvery-haired man was holding a quilt tightly around him, and although he looked a lot more coherent than he did earlier, Roxas felt a pang of sympathy. He couldn't forget the tormented look on Zexion's face as he cursed the phantom voices. Cloud was sitting at the far end of the table, a newspaper spread out before him, his fair brows knitted together slightly in concentration as he read.

Roxas went to the cupboard and pulled out a glass and filled it with water. Then he reached above the sink and opened the door of the medicine cabinet.

The medicine cabinet had only two shelves, but it was organized neatly so that all the patients could easily find their medications. Roxas took a small bottle down from the bottom shelf and twisted the cap off. He chose one of the small brown pills and popped it in his mouth before quickly swallowing it with a drink of water. He was about to close the door and return to his room after replacing his medicine bottle in the cabinet, but he hesitated. He had never really given a thought at the number of bottles in the cabinet.

By the labels on the bottles, Roxas could see that they were all prescription medications. He had already known that he shared the bottom shelf with Demyx, Zexion, and Namine. A slightly larger bottle stood next to Roxas's Xanax, the black bold print on the front bearing the label **DEPAKOTE 750 MG** beneath Demyx's name. Beside this was a bottle with Namine's name on it and **ZOLOFT 50 MG**. Then there were two bottles, both with Zexion's name on them. One was **CYMBALTA 60 MG**, the other **ZYPREXA 20 MG**.

On the top shelf were three bottles. Roxas took a half-step closer and realized they were all prescribed for Axel. The one of the far left was labeled **PROZAC 40 MG**. The middle was inscribed with **SEROQUEL 400 MG**. The bottle on the right was **ABILIFY 30 MG**.

Roxas felt a stab of pity. Axel had to take three different medications? So Riku and Demyx had been right. He stood there for a few seconds longer, unnerved. Aeris's soft voice cut into his thoughts.

"Roxas?"

Roxas shut the cabinet door as if it had burned him and turned quickly. Aeris was still sitting at the table, but she was looking at Roxas with slight apprehension. Before she could say another word, however, Roxas opened his mouth.

"I would like to see Axel," he said. His voice seemed to have developed a mind of it's own. "I still haven't had a chance to thank him properly, you know, for last week. If that's okay," he added quickly.

Cloud shifted slightly in his seat and Roxas almost missed the cautionary glance he threw at Aeris. Roxas also noticed that Zexion and Namine were now watching him. He immediately wished he hadn't spoken.

"Well, I…" Aeris began uncertainly. Then she smiled and nodded. "I don't see a problem with it. But please don't stay long if he's tired."

Roxas realized he had been holding his breath and inhaled deeply. Muttering his thanks, he left the kitchen and made his way down the dark hallway. When he reached the entrance hall, he stepped quietly over to the foot of the staircase as his eyes swept the room.

It was colder here than in the rest of the house, and when Roxas placed his hand carefully on the iron banister, he shuddered. The light from the iron chandelier was faint and cast looming shadows on the walls. There was no sound from the second floor.

The stairs creaked audibly as Roxas ascended. He halted halfway up the staircase, listening. What if Axel didn't want to be bothered right now? But Aeris had said it was okay…

When Roxas was again only met with silence, he climbed the rest of the way up as quietly as he could.

He emerged in a short hallway that was dimly lit by the orange glow of a small table lamp. The rain sounded much louder here than it had downstairs. A door stood slightly ajar at the end of the hall to his right.

It was quiet except for the steady drum of rain on the roof. Roxas approached the door slowly. No light filtered through the small crack between the painted white door and its frame. He reached out a hand and placed it on the doorknob. Should he knock first?

Hesitating, he raised his knuckles and tapped softly on the door. There was no answer. Roxas stayed where he was, wondering if he should go in anyway as anxiety began clawing at his stomach. He chewed on his thumb nail nervously.

He was about to turn and go back downstairs when he heard a creak and the faintest of rustles. His pulse quickened momentarily, not quite sure what to expect if Axel opened the door. He waited as the seconds ticked by, but nothing happened.

Roxas took a deep, steadying breath. He wasn't even sure what he was so nervous about. But as he continued to stand there, the seconds becoming minutes, he felt his curiosity outweigh his anxiety and, as if in slow motion, he slowly pushed the door open.

The room was almost completely dark, the only source of light coming from the window on the wall to the right of the door. Roxas could just make out the looming shadows of the furniture as he took a few tentative steps forward.

"I knew you'd come see me sooner or later."

Roxas nearly jumped out of his skin. He looked around in the direction of the voice and could barely distinguish Axel's form among the shadows.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you! I just-"

"Shut the door if you're staying, kid," Axel interrupted. "Too much light makes my head hurt."

Roxas fell silent, surprised that he hadn't been asked to leave. He quickly nudged the door with his toe, which swung shut with an audible _click_. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could see that Axel was sitting against the wall opposite the window, his long legs stretched out before him on the wood floor. The sound of the rain just above their heads filled the silence as Roxas stood there in the dark, feeling slightly stupid.

"How did you know I would come see you?" Roxas asked when Axel didn't say anything.

"Everyone does," Axel stated simply from his seat on the floor. "Every time someone new moves in, they want to come see the mysterious redhead in the attic and ask him why he's so strange." Roxas noticed the bitterness in those last few words.

"Well…we're all pretty strange here," Roxas said. "Besides, that's not why I came up here."

A flash of lightning illuminated the room just long enough for Roxas to see the look of caution on the redhead's face.

"…Go on," Axel said quietly, his voice almost drowned out by the rumble of thunder that followed.

"I wanted to thank you," Roxas continued. "You know, for what you said to me last week. It…made me feel better."

A lamp on the bedside table flared and Roxas squinted his eyes slightly against the dim glow that suddenly flooded the room. Axel was still sitting against the wall, but he was gazing at the blonde with such incredulity and suspicion that Roxas wondered if he had said something wrong.

"What's your name, kid?"

"Um, Roxas," the blonde introduced himself, crossing his arms. Those piercing green eyes made him a little uncomfortable.

"Roxas…" Axel said slowly. "Well, Roxas, you're welcome. I'm Axel. Got it memorized?"

"Well, um, I guess I should be going," Roxas said. He could see by the soft light that Axel looked exhausted. His face was worn and there were dark circles beneath his strikingly green eyes. "I don't want to stay if you're tired."

Roxas turned to leave but Axel spoke before he could take a single step.

"You weren't bothering me."

Roxas looked over his shoulder to see that Axel had drawn his knees up to his chest and was gazing at the floor. The blonde felt the corners of his mouth pull upwards into a small smile.

"Really? You mean, I can stay?" he asked, walking back over to Axel. The redhead merely nodded.

Roxas sat down on the floor, leaving a comfortable amount of space between them. Axel raised his eyes, and Roxas noticed the silent gratitude and relief in their depths.

"So…is it fun sitting up here in the dark?" Roxas joked lightly. To his surprise, Axel chuckled a bit.

"Like I would do this for fun," he said. "Nah…it's just nice, listening to the rain."

They were quiet for a while, listening to the rainwater trickling down the gutter and the occasional roll of thunder. Axel was right. The rain had a calming affect, and after only a few minutes Roxas felt his eyelids beginning to droop.

"I'm so sick of being bored," Axel's exasperated voice pulled Roxas from his warm, sleepy state.

"Why don't you come downstairs more often?" Roxas suggested, stifling a yawn. "At least for dinner, anyway."

Axel rested his head back against the wall and sighed, and Roxas saw a painful expression ghost over the redhead's features for a half-second before they relaxed again.

"It's just easier this way," Axel finally said. His voice was barely more than a whisper.

Roxas averted his eyes. He wished he hadn't said anything. Whatever was going through Axel's mind at the moment looked like it was causing him distress. The blonde was about to excuse himself when Axel spoke again without moving.

"So, Roxas. What are you in here for?"

"I have general anxiety," Roxas said automatically. For some reason, he didn't mind telling Axel about himself.

"How nice," Axel replied sarcastically. Then he shook his head and gazed at Roxas. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"No, it's fine," Roxas said quickly.

"No it's not. Nothing is fine," Axel continued, disregarding the blonde's comment. "I'm sure you've heard that I have bipolar. You shouldn't get too attached, Roxas. I'm about as good for you as morphine."

Roxas hesitated. Axel was getting irritable. He sounded the same as when Roxas had heard him talking in the kitchen the previous week.

"But…I want to be your friend," Roxas finally said. Axel threw an unreadable look at him. "If that's okay," he added quickly.

"Whatever," the lanky redhead said, but Roxas could hear a note of hopefulness in his voice. "So, why are you here again?"

Roxas found that it was easier to talk to Axel than it was to anyone else involved with Twilight Sanctuary, including Vincent. The blonde explained about how he was always nervous when he left his apartment, how he got anxious around strangers and large crowds, and how he had lost his job. Axel sat cross-legged against the wall and listened, occasionally making a soft noise in his throat that Roxas perceived as understanding.

"What about you, Axel?" Roxas said after he finished. "How did you get here."

Axel looked down at his hands. Roxas pursed his lips. He hadn't stopped to think that Axel might be sensitive to his past.

"I-" the redhead began vaguely, but a creak on the stairs outside the room made him stop and look up. Roxas turned and looked as well, and a second later, Aeris appeared in the doorway.

"Still awake, I see," she said with a small smile. "I brought up your medication, Axel," she added kindly.

Axel stood and walked slowly over to Aeris in silence. He took the tiny pill from her hand and threw it back into his throat before chasing it down with the water Aeris had brought up.

"Come on, Roxas," Aeris said softly. "It's after ten o'clock."

"But…Axel and I were talking," Roxas began.

"You can see each other tomorrow," Aeris offered. "But right now, Axel needs to sleep, and so do you. Vincent wouldn't be very happy if he found out I was letting you two stay up half the night."

Roxas realized he couldn't argue, and so he too stood and walked over to the door. When he turned to bid Axel goodnight, he found that the redhead was already lying in bed, fast asleep.

Kind of a quick ending to the chapter. Again, I'm sorry. Please disregard any mistakes you might find. I did my best to correct them all. Also, if anyone is wondering what could knock out Axel like that so quickly, it was his Seroquel. That stuff is a powerful sedative, especially at that dosage.


	7. Chapter 7

I decided to update again because I'm really liking the way this story is progressing. I apologize for the length of this chapter; it's just under 2000 words, so it's pretty short. I do not own the characters.

PLEASE NOTE: There is some slightly graphic self-harm in this chapter. If you have dealt with self-harm, it could be triggering, so please do whatever you need to keep yourself safe.

Roxas visited Axel every day for the next week. They spent their time talking mostly about Roxas since the redhead would simply keep his mouth shut when he was asked about himself. Roxas, however, didn't mind. He felt better after telling Axel how he felt, even if Axel didn't say anything. There was something about his presence that was strong and yet comforting at the same time, a presence that Roxas didn't feel from anyone else, not even Vincent. And although the redhead didn't show it much, Roxas had a suspicion that Axel appreciated the company.

The rain finally stopped on the afternoon of Roxas's next appointment with Vincent. The blonde ventured out of his room when he heard the psychiatrist speaking with someone in the kitchen. Roxas found this somewhat curious: Aeris had taken Namine and Zexion shopping with her, Cloud, Leon, Riku, and Demyx were at the gym, and Tifa was in bed with a cold. He found his answer, however, the moment his bare feet hit the linoleum floor.

Axel was sitting on the kitchen counter near the sink, wearing a pair of jeans and a hooded sweatshirt. His chin was in his hand and the heels of his boots tapped impatiently against the cabinet door beneath the counter. His eyebrows were furled slightly above his bright green eyes, an annoyed expression on his face. Vincent stopped speaking as soon as Roxas entered the room.

"Hello Roxas," the tall psychiatrist said kindly. "Are you ready?"

The blonde nodded, but his eyes wandered over to Axel.

"Yeah, I guess," Roxas said vaguely. He was a little perturbed by Axel's blatant irritability. He had been a lot more calm during Roxas's visits to the attic. As he followed the psychiatrist into the formal sitting room, the blonde raised his hand to Axel in silent greeting. The redhead did not return the gesture.

Roxas sat down on the upholstered chair on the other side of the table as Vincent closed the door softly. They were both quiet while the psychiatrist extracted his notebook and pen from his bag.

"Well, Roxas," Vincent said as he settled himself in the chair across the table. "How have you been?"

"I've been feeling a lot better," Roxas said truthfully. "I think the medicine has been helping."

Vincent nodded and scribbled something in his notebook.

"Any nightmares? Panic attacks?"

Roxas shook his head.

"That is certainly good to hear," Vincent replied, jotting down a few more short notes.

"I still have some anxiety, though," Roxas admitted.

"That is to be expected," the psychiatrist replied. "The medication does not cure you of your condition; it only can make the symptoms more bearable."

The two sat in silence for a moment. Roxas felt again as if he were being x-rayed as Vincent gazed shrewdly at him with those crimson eyes.

"I have been told that you have been talking with Axel," Vincent said, his voice suddenly stern. "I would like for you to tell me how this came about."

Roxas shifted uncomfortably. One of the caretakers had probably noticed that he had been visiting Axel, but he was slightly surprised that Vincent was asking him to tell him about it.

"I was worried about him because I never see him," Roxas began. "Last week, I asked Aeris if I could go see him. She said it was okay, so I went upstairs to visit him. I enjoy his company, and…I think he enjoys my company, too." He hesitated, then said uncertainly, "Why? Is there a reason why I shouldn't?"

Vincent watched him silently for a few minutes, and then stood and went to the French doors, where he stopped and looked out over the garden.

"Roxas, I'm sure you have heard that Axel has bipolar disorder," the psychiatrist said quietly, his voice maintaining a stern tone. "Bipolar disorder is a very serious illness. Once you have it, it never goes away. Axel has been here since the day Twilight Sanctuary opened. He is very ill, and he has an ugly past.

"I am a bit surprised that you even worry about someone so much that you would visit them everyday, especially someone like Axel. It is generally known and even accepted that the only people who care about him here are myself and the other caretakers. I don't know if the other patients do not like him because of the way he is, or if they don't know what to do with him, but I can tell you this: Axel has always been alone since the day he came here.

"The horrors in his past have taught him not to trust other people. However, that does not prevent him from being lonely. He is trapped inside his mind, a mind that is disturbed and even dangerous at times, with no relief. He has expressed to me that he wishes he had friends, people who care about him and understand him, but he does not know how to trust. I have tried to get him to come out of his shell, even just a little, but my efforts have been fruitless, until today. I was shocked when I saw Axel sitting downstairs when I arrived here today. This is the first time he has come out of his room during the daytime, when other people may be around, in over a year."

"He came downstairs last week, when Zexion relapsed," Roxas said. "Axel helped him."

"I was informed of that when I came to examine Zexion," Vincent continued. His back was still turned to Roxas. "And I was surprised by that information as well. I knew there had to be something going on."

The psychiatrist fell into silence then. Roxas gazed out at the sky outside. It was threatening rain again.

"Roxas, I would like for you to try to help Axel," Vincent said, turning to him at last. Roxas had never seen him look more serious. "But I must warn you: Axel can be sensitive, unpredictable, violent, and even dangerous at times, especially when he is transitioning between moods. But I believe you may be the only one to teach him to trust again."

"What happened to him?" Roxas asked. He remembered what Demyx had told him about having nightmares even when he was awake if he found out what had happened to Axel.

"I cannot tell you that," Vincent said firmly. "And I forbid you to ask Axel about it. Do not mention anything to him about his past, at least not any time soon. Just continue what you have been doing, but I want you to be careful. If he shows any signs of becoming aggressive, very irritated, or depressed, tell me or one of the other caretakers immediately. He is currently at what I believe is the end of his depressive cycle. He will probably become manic within the next few weeks. Now, do you have any questions for me?"

Roxas gazed at the psychiatrist. He had so many questions and a daunting feeling whirling around in his mind, but he had no idea which to ask first, or if he should ask at all. Slowly, he shook his head.

"I want to see you again in three weeks, then," Vincent said, and he seemed to relax a bit. "There will be no change in your medication; keep taking it the same as I prescribed."

Roxas waited for Vincent to pack up his bag again before following him out of the formal sitting room. When they stepped into the kitchen, Axel was nowhere in sight.

"He probably went back upstairs," Vincent said with a sigh. "He was getting a bit annoyed with me earlier when I was asked him about you. I'll leave him alone for now."

Roxas bid Vincent good day, and the psychiatrist left to return to his clinic.

The house was quiet after the door swung shut behind Vincent. The only sound was Tifa blowing her nose from her and Aeris's room on the other side of the house. Roxas wondered where Axel had gone off to, and decided to go upstairs to check on him.

As he neared the end of the hallway, he noticed that the bathroom door was slightly ajar. A strip of light fell across the dark, hardwood floor. Roxas was about to go back to the kitchen to wait for Axel when he heard a wince echo around the tile bathroom. The blonde drew closer and peered curiously around the door, and gasped at the image reflected in the mirror.

Axel was standing in front of the sink, his sweatshirt missing. In his right hand he held a disposable razor. A horizontal slash was clearly visible on the inside of his left forearm.

Roxas was pushing the door open before he could even think about what he was doing. Axel spun around and dropped the razor, where it clattered to the floor.

"Axel?"

The redhead tried to hide his injured arm, but his expression, full of shame and guilt, gave him away. Knowing Roxas had seen, he dropped his gaze to his boots.

Roxas slowly stooped and picked up the razor. Placing it on the counter, he assessed the cut on Axel's arm.

"Sit on the toilet," Roxas said softly.

The redhead's expression changed slightly from ashamed to bewildered and curious, but he didn't say anything. Mutely, he sat on the lid of the toilet.

Roxas opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the first aid kit. He opened it and took out gauze pads, antiseptic treatment, and an ace bandage. Quietly, he crossed the bathroom and shut the door before sitting on the floor in front of the toilet.

"Let me see," Roxas said, keeping his voice gentle.

Axel stared at him before thrusting out his arm, and Roxas saw a small flame of defiance in his eyes before dropping his gaze to the injury.

Roxas was relieved to see that the two-inch cut was more shallow than he had originally thought. However, blood was beginning to ooze down Axel's arm. Quickly unwrapping one of the sterile gauze pads, the blonde pressed it firmly to the cut.

He was surprised to feel that Axel was shaking a little. Roxas placed his hand on the other side of Axel's arm and slowly applied more pressure against the gauze pad.

"Why are you doing this?" Axel asked. Roxas looked up, but the redhead was gazing at his knees.

"You're hurt," Roxas said simply.

"No, that's not what I meant," the redhead said. Roxas could almost feel his frustration. "Why do you talk to me? Why aren't you like everyone else?"

Roxas shrugged and checked to see if the cut was still bleeding. He noticed other cuts on Axel's upper arm that were healing. There were also dark scars. He didn't want Axel to know what Vincent had told him.

"You've been doing this for a long time, huh?" Roxas asked, hoping he didn't come across as accusatory. The redhead was silent.

"Does Vincent know about this?" the blonde continued, opening another gauze pad and uncapping the antiseptic treatment.

"Probably," Axel said dully, leaning his head against the wall. He winced a bit when Roxas applied the antiseptic treatment to the injury, but he didn't pull away.

"Sorry," Roxas whispered, removing the gauze pad. Picking up the bandage, he began to wind it snuggly, yet comfortably, around Axel's arm. When he was finished, he placed a hand gently over the bandage.

"Axel, if you feel like doing this again, can you come talk to me? I don't want you to feel like you have to hurt yourself," Roxas offered.

"I can't make any promises," Axel replied hesitantly.

"Can you try?"

"…I'll try."

They heard a key unlocking the front door, and Roxas met Axel's gaze before standing and packing up the first aid kit and replacing it in the medicine cabinet.

"Come on. Let's go before someone asks what we're up to."

I printed off this entire story, including this chapter, and I was astounded at the sheer length of it. So please forgive me if this chapter was a little too short for you.


	8. Chapter 8

Is this…is this what I think it is? Could it really be? AN UPDATE?

Yes, here I am, back again. I published the first seven chapters under a different account with the penname Keeper of the Tea Cabinet, but when I wanted to FINALLY update this story (after almost two years? Wow.) I couldn't access that account. So this is my new account, but I assure you I am the same exact author. I could never plagiarize someone else's work. And besides, even if I would I would not plagiarize THIS story. There are so many mistakes in the first seven chapters that I decided on scrapping the whole thing or at least re-write it. But now I think "what the hell?" I've come this far and I haven't in my whole life finished writing a story, published or not.

This chapter is longer than the others. It's also cute and not nearly as angsty as the previous ones.

I want to make you all aware of the mistakes I made, though they aren't major:

First of all, Demyx cannot have acute mania because if you have one episode of mania, you are diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Let's ignore this technical bit and have him suffer from a chronic form of non-bipolar mania, if possible, because Axel is the only one I wanted to have bipolar disoder (sorry Axel). But there IS a reason for this that you will find out later.

Axel cannot take Prozac. People with bipolar disorder shouldn't take antidepressants because it makes their mania worse. Vincent isn't stupid enough to give him Prozac, so ignore that in the previous chapters and from now on Axel DOES NOT take it.

I'm pretty sure those are the two major ones. There are several others that aren't that bad and I can't remember them right now. Just ignore them. I've come back to this story with renewed enthusiasm and ideas. I believe my writing style has matured a bit more as well.

If you have any questions, hit me up with a PM. And enjoy.

…...

The seemingly endless April downpours had finally given birth to the warm sunlight and bright colors of May. Aeris's garden was in full bloom, and she and Namine had arranged beautiful bouquets of freshly cut flowers in delicate vases and placed them around the house. The caretakers had become quite cheerful now that the weeks of dreary weather had given way to day after day of pleasant sunshine. Their jovial, carefree mood was so infectious that even Zexion's deep depression seemed to have lifted somewhat. The silver-haired man had begun consistently sleeping no more than ten hours, as opposed to his usual fourteen, and was able to shower and dress himself every day without having to be coaxed by one of the caretakers. There was no evidence, either, of psychotic symptoms.

Namine, too, was displaying progress, however small. She had become more social, and, although she still spent the majority of her time with Zexion, occasionally joined Aeris and Tifa's lighthearted conversations over a cup of tea. She generally appeared relaxed, and every now and then her lips would curve into a small smile.

Roxas leaned his elbows on the kitchen counter and gazed out the window above the sink. The garden was a vibrant kaleidoscope of bright colors. Sunlight warmed his arms as he sipped at a glass of iced tea Aeris had made that morning. It was cool and refreshing, subtly sweet mint from the garden leaving his mouth tingling slightly.

It had been over a week since Roxas had walked in on Axel hurting himself. Neither Roxas nor Axel had spoken of the event to each other after they had left the bathroom that day. In fact, Axel had not expressed any wish to harm himself again following the incident. This was both a relief and a concern for Roxas. Any absence of self-destructive behavior was certainly a good sign; however, the blonde couldn't shake the feeling that perhaps his bold offer had broken what tentative trust they shared.

Something that had changed about his friend was that the redhead was visiting the rest of the house much more frequently since Roxas had gotten to know him. The thought made the blonde smile internally. The caretakers had noticed this change and, although they hadn't asked Roxas any questions, it was quite obvious through their interactions with the young patient that they were surprised, curious, and even grateful. Vincent, too, was astonished at the difference in Axel's mood and behavior over the last several weeks. He was highly interested in the relationship that his two patients shared, and urged Roxas to openly discuss the time he shared with Axel.

Even though he knew the doctor meant well, Roxas found this request unnecessary and somewhat intrusive. Axel was his friend, not an emotionless test subject to be scrutinized. He also felt this was extremely unfair to Axel, whom he knew was oblivious to the conversations about him that occurred behind his back. He felt that if Vincent wanted details, he should ask Axel himself.

The young blonde heard two pairs of feet descending the staircase in the hall, and he craned his head over his right shoulder. Still holding the cold glass in his hands, he slowly and inconspicuously slid down to the far end of the counter where the front door and part of the entrance hall were visible. The raven-headed doctor appeared almost immediately, followed at a short distance by a shock of wild red hair. Vincent turned to Axel, who was standing with one foot on the bottom stair and leaning on the banister with his arms crossed. Suddenly realizing that Vincent had a clear view of him, Roxas quickly looked around for something to do that would make him appear uninterested in their conversation. He snatched one of Aeris's cookbooks that were stacked neatly next to the coffee pot. Flipping it open to the first page, he stared hard at a recipe for banana bread and listened carefully to the two voices conversing in the front hall. He could barely hear the smooth, quiet tone of the doctor.

"…I am very happy with how you're coming along. I can see you are feeling better but let us keep an eye on things, shall we?"

Roxas heard his friend begin to protest, but he fell silent and sighed almost as quickly as he had begun.

"You know very well what can happen," Vincent said sharply. Then his voice acquired a gentleness that Roxas had never heard before. "I am always worrying about you, Axel. And not just when I'm here to see you, either. I see people who suffer with the same illness. I see it destroy them. I do not want to see it destroy you, too. Not after what has already happened to you."

"Vincent."

Axel's voice cut the air and a piercing silence followed. Roxas chanced a glance over his shoulder. Vincent was standing near the door, his bag in his hand, his face composed. Axel had shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. His expression was guarded and his shoulders were hunched. For a moment he seemed to not know where he was.

"Axel…" That soft voice again. The younger man flinched subtly and looked up. "I'm sorry, Axel."

"I'm fine," the redhead muttered distractedly. Then he cleared his throat and said more audibly and more definitely, "I'm fine, Vincent."

"We'll have to do something about that as well. No doubt that's what Cloud has had in mind. Perhaps you will take me up on my suggestion? It's the first beautiful day we've had in a while."

When Axel did not reply, Vincent bid him a polite farewell and left.

Roxas tuned to the cookbook again and flipped through the pages, not really seeing it. He tried to appear relaxed and innocent but his was intensely curious. He could hear Axel's heavy boots approaching the kitchen. He took a sip of the tea and set it down just as he heard the redhead enter the big spacious room. What had Vincent meant? Roxas remembered Vincent telling him that Axel had "horrors in his past". Had Vincent alluded to something Axel didn't want to think about?

"Thinking of baking a cake, Roxas?"

Roxas jumped and whirled on the spot. Axel was leaning against the kitchen table, his legs crossed at the ankles. He was wearing a long white tank underneath a leather jacket. His thumbs were curled around the outside of his jeans pockets. He was wearing gloves made of black fishnet material. With a slight flush, Roxas couldn't help but notice how good he looked.

"No…not really," he stammered. Axel was watching him and the blonde's eyes darted around the kitchen, trying to avoid the bright green stare. "Do you want some iced tea? Aeris made it this morning."

Axel said nothing, but continued to watch him. Roxas grew extremely nervous. He wanted to ask why he was staring at him, but Roxas had the uneasy feeling that the redhead knew he had been eavesdropping.

"I didn't hear what you and Vincent were talking about," Roxas tried meekly. Axel gave him a knowing look. "Ok, I heard some, but I don't know anything about it. I just heard something about you feeling better and the weather being nice." Which wasn't entirely a lie. Somehow, though, Roxas felt guilty that he'd heard everything and he wasn't telling Axel so. But he couldn't bring himself to it.

"It's not a big deal," Axel said, but he sounded a bit annoyed. In any case, he finally looked away from Roxas. He went to the refrigerator and pulled out the pitcher of tea and, holding it a few inches above his head, poured it into his mouth. He then put it back where he got it from and went to lean against the table again.

Roxas wasn't sure, but he had a peculiar feeling that Axel wanted to tell him something. Even though he didn't hole himself up in his room as much as he used to, it was unlike him to just hang around the kitchen without doing anything. Perhaps he was going to tell Roxas off for listening in on his conversation with the doctor.

"Hey Roxas…" The blonde prepared himself for the storm. "Vincent gave me an idea…"

Roxas looked up. This time Axel was the one to look nervous. He seemed to be struggling to find the right words. He had taken his hands out of his pockets and was playing with his gloves. He wasn't looking at Roxas, either, but instead was examining his boots.

Such a different attitude from a mere few minutes ago! Roxas thought. The blonde sympathized with his friend and wished he could help him out, but he had no idea what Vincent had suggested. Finally, Axel seemed to have decided on what he wanted to say.

"Aeris has to go out for some things today…" he began uneasily. "There's a park she always passes on her way to the store. I…well, you don't have to if you don't want to but…and they don't want any of us to go out alone but it's ok because Aeris is going too…and it's warm out and…Vincent said it might be good if I…if we both…if maybe we went-"

Roxas couldn't help the grin that had spread across his face. "I would love to go to the park with you!" He was so happy that he had forgotten his anxiety and his boldness surprised him.

Axel was grinning too, a small sheepish smile, and crammed his hands back into his pockets. "Great! I thought…you know, because we've been inside so much. I think Aeris said she was going a little after noon. I'll go ask her!"

Roxas clapped his hands silently together and bounced up and down on the spot when Axel had gone from the room. He was so happy that Axel wanted to spend time with him and that his friend wasn't depressed anymore. He chugged the rest of his tea and then washed the glass. Outside, a hummingbird with a pink belly fluttered down to one of the feeders hanging from a tree branch, its tiny wings beating so fast they were two green blurs on either side of the creature's body. Roxas hummed a little song that he had known as a child and dried his hands on a dish towel that had a pattern of yellow sunflowers on it.

Ten minutes later, Roxas and Axel were walking down the main thoroughfare of Twilight Town with Aeris. The woman was wearing a pink sundress and a light shawl around her shoulders and carrying a shopping basket on her arm. Roxas walked between her and Axel. It felt so good to be outside. He had been confined to the house for almost a month due to the rain and his crippling anxiety, and now that he was out in the warm sunshine he wanted to run around and laugh in sheer delight. He didn't do this however, and was content to stretch his arms high above his head. He glanced sideways at Axel. Vincent had said that Axel had all but locked himself in his room for almost a year. Roxas wondered when had been the last time the redhead was outside. With a wince he realized that Axel probably hadn't been out since he had first come to the house. He appeared to be thoroughly enjoying himself. He walked along with Roxas and Aeris, looking at the town and the people in it with mild interest. The sunlight played across his fair complexion and a light breeze rippled through his hair every now and then.

When they reached the park, Aeris told them she would be back in about a half hour before crossing the street to the small grocery on the corner. Axel grinned at Roxas and the two went side by side down the brick sidewalk that winded through the little park.

It was just warm enough to be out in short sleeves and many people had come to spend the afternoon in the park. Roxas and Axel passed bike riders, women pushing baby strollers, and old men going slowly along with their canes. They walked together in silence, but it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. When they reached the center of the park, they looked around for an unoccupied bench, but all of them were taken by chatting people and elderly ladies knitting or reading paperback novels. Leaving the footpath, they wandered down slight slope to where a huge elm tree that stood alone in an isolated patch of green, sunlit grass. They settled down in the shade, the warm breeze making the leaves whisper.

Roxas sat between two broad roots and rested his back against the ancient trunk. Axel lay on his back not too far away, the sun making small bright patterns on his chest in stomach where it wasn't blocked by the tree branches.

"It's nice here," the redhead mumbled. His eyes were closed and his arms were folded across his chest. "It's been a long time since I've been to a park in the spring."

Roxas prodded a ladybug that had landed on his knee with his finger. He wasn't sure what to say. Axel seemed to be enjoying himself and he didn't want to mention anything that might upset his friend.

"I wonder what Aeris is buying at the store," he continued. He opened his eyes and gazed up at the tree and the blue sky that was visible between the branches, shading his face with his arm. "I hope she remembers to get the clementines I asked for. Or figs. I like those little fruits."

The redhead suddenly rolled onto his belly and propped himself up on his elbows and looked pointedly at Roxas.

"Roxas, what do you want to do with your life?"

The blonde was slightly taken aback by the profoundness of the question and the coolness with which it was asked. Axel could have been asking about the weather.

"I…" Roxas began. "Jeez, Axel, what kind of question is that?"

Axel shrugged. "I'm just asking. Don't look so shocked. It's not like I want you to tell me what color boxers you're wearing." His lips curved up on one side in a cocky smirk. "Now really, you must have given this some thought before. Everyone wonders once in a while where their life is taking them and where they want it to go."

Roxas looked past his friend out across the park. A young couple was sitting on a blanket in the sun a few yards away from them. A picnic basket was open in front of them and on the blanket was a bowl of cherries, a small block of cheese, and a bottle of wine. They were smiling and holding hands while they sipped the dark red liquid from delicate glasses.

"I want to go back to college. I was studying biology, but not because I wanted to. My parents said it would help me get a good job. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it, either. I left because I was failing and I started getting so anxious I couldn't go to the lectures and be around all those people."

Roxas paused and looked at Axel. The redhead was watching him curiously.

"Sometimes I don't know what I want to do, though. I wonder if college is where I really want to be. If I do go back someday, I don't even know if I'll carry on with biology. Right now I'm content at Twilight Sanctuary. I know I can't stay forever but I'm happy here. I like Aeris and the others, and you and Riku and Demyx too. I've never felt close to people before I came here."

He fell silent and plucked a blade of grass. It was cool and damp and sticky to the touch. He rolled it up in a little ball and then flattened it out again before picking it slowly apart. Axel had sat up and folded his legs in front of him.

"When I was little I wanted to be a circus performer," he said. Roxas looked up at him in great surprise and interest. "You know _Cirque du Soleil_? My mother took me to see a show once when I was little. I liked it all, but most of all I liked the trapeze artists. I thought that was how life should really be. I wanted to leave school when I was fourteen to go and learn, but my mother wouldn't let me. She said it didn't pay well and that I should be a lawyer or something. I have no interest in any of that. As I got older I realized I could probably never go. I graduated high school and then learned to be an auto mechanic because I really like cars. I've forgotten about the circus since then. Now that I think about it again, I wish I would have left home and learned to fly anyway."

Roxas frowned and plucked another blade of grass. It made him feel sad for Axel that he never got to do what he loved and, quite honestly, never would. He tried to picture the lanky redhead in a bright costume and stage makeup, doing flips and tricks on the trapeze. He examined Axel's expression. He looked disappointed but not fully put out. He still appeared much better than Roxas had ever seen him. The blonde noticed, too, that the redhead had never disclosed so much about himself before.

"Are you still a mechanic?" Roxas asked.

"I was until I was twenty-two. I worked at this garage downtown doing bodywork for older cars that needed to be refinished. I liked the job but it's not something I wanted to do forever. It was alright at the time, though. The pay was decent and I only worked half a day on Saturday and I got Sundays off. It wasn't bad. But then I got sick."

Axel fell silent, but he didn't look upset. He simply sighed and looked across the park. His eyes suddenly widened and he jumped to his feet.

"Sea salt ice cream!"

Roxas raised his eyebrows and followed Axel's line of vision. An ice cream vendor was standing behind a little cart and handing a young girl the bluish treat.

"Yeah, do you want some?" the blond asked.

"Yes! I haven't had sea salt ice cream since I was…your age!" Axel exclaimed. He took Roxas's hand and pulled him to his feet and they ran over to the stretch of brick sidewalk where the vendor was.

"Two sea salt ice creams, please," Axel told the man enthusiastically. Roxas reached into his pocket for the money to pay for his, but Axel caught his arm. "No. This is my treat. Got it memorized?"

Axel handed the man a few crisp, folded bills and a minute later he and Roxas were strolling down the brick path again, happily eating their frozen treats. When they reached the park entrance, they saw Aeris standing at the gate waiting for them. Her shopping basket was full and she smiled when she saw them. Axel offered to carry the basket for her and they made their way back down the street toward Twilight Sanctuary.

Roxas felt as if he had a bubble of happiness in his chest. He had never seen Axel in such a good mood, and with a grin he realized that the redhead was actually very charming when he wasn't depressed. The blonde watched Axel peel one of the clementines Aeris had bought for him and take a small bite of the citrus fruit. He suddenly felt very giddy and hoped there would be more days like this one.


End file.
